Kids SENDIASS
Free and independent advice about Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND). Kids provide SENDIAS services across several areas in the UK.
Information & advice
School anxiety and SEND
For many children, the thought of going to school can bring on feelings of anxiety. But for children and young people with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND), these feelings can be more intense and complex. School anxiety can affect daily life, family routines, and a child’s emotional wellbeing – but with the right support, it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through what school anxiety looks like, how to recognise the signs, what to do next, and where to go for help.
What is school anxiety?
School anxiety is when a child feels worried, fearful, or distressed about going to school. For some children, these feelings might come and go. For others, it can build up to the point where they refuse or feel unable to attend school at all.
For children with SEND, school anxiety can present differently or feel more intense. Neurodivergent children, or those with additional needs, may struggle with certain school environments, expectations, or social settings in ways that others might not fully understand.
Common triggers of school anxiety
Sensory overload
Classrooms can be loud, bright, and crowded, which can overwhelm children with sensory sensitivities. The constant noise of chatter, chairs scraping, and bells ringing can quickly build up to an unbearable experience.
Social pressures
Navigating friendships, group work, or unstructured times like break and lunch can be exhausting for children who find social interaction challenging. Worries about fitting in or fear of being bullied can heighten anxiety.
Learning challenges
Struggling to keep up academically, or having learning needs that aren’t being met, can lead to feelings of frustration, failure, or embarrassment.
Transitions and changes
Moving to a new school, switching classrooms, or sudden changes in routine can be particularly difficult for children who rely on predictability to feel secure.
Separation anxiety
Some children may worry about being apart from their parents or carers, fearing something bad might happen while they’re at school.
Past negative experiences
Previous incidents such as bullying, being misunderstood, or having a bad day at school can leave lasting emotional impacts that may resurface as anxiety.
How anxiety might show up at home
Often, school anxiety first becomes visible through behaviours at home. It’s not always obvious, and it might not even seem directly connected to school at first.
Look out for signs such as:
- Frequent physical complaints: Children may regularly say they feel sick, have headaches, or stomach aches, especially before school starts. These symptoms are very real to them, even if there’s no medical cause.
- Sleep difficulties: Anxiety can make it hard for children to fall asleep, stay asleep, or they may wake up with nightmares.
- Emotional outbursts or meltdowns: You might notice your child becoming more irritable, tearful, or having sudden mood swings, especially during school mornings or evenings.
- Avoidance behaviours: Refusing to get dressed, dawdling during breakfast, or flat-out refusing to leave the house are all ways anxiety might show itself.
- Constant reassurance seeking: Your child might repeatedly ask the same questions about school, worry about things going wrong, or need you close by.
Starting a conversation with school
Opening up communication with your child’s school is a vital early step. Here’s how you can start that conversation:
Arrange a meeting with your child’s class teacher and/or the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). A face-to-face meeting, or even a phone call, can be more effective than emails when you’re starting to raise concerns. It can be helpful to follow up these conversations with an email to have a record of what has been discussed.
Bring along notes of behaviours you’ve observed at home. Patterns, triggers, and examples will help the school understand the bigger picture and see how anxiety is affecting your child beyond the classroom.
If your child is able, involve them in the conversation. They might want to write down how they feel, draw pictures, or even record a voice note. Hearing directly from the child can make a powerful impact.
Be honest about what you’ve noticed. Whether it’s sensory issues, social difficulties, or learning challenges, sharing these insights can help the school spot patterns they might not have seen.
Schools have a duty to make reasonable adjustments. Ask what support options are available, such as safe spaces, movement breaks, or tailored learning approaches.
What if my child is too anxious to go to school?
If your child’s anxiety becomes so severe that they feel unable to attend school, this is often referred to as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). This can feel very worrying as a parent or carer, and it’s important to remember you are not alone.
Your rights as a parent
As a parent or carer, you have the right to feel confident that the school will work with you to support your child. Schools are legally required to make reasonable adjustments for children with SEND. You can request meetings, ask for personalised support plans, and involve external professionals if needed.
Learn more about the support schools should provide in our SEN Support in Schools guide.
What should the school do?
The school should take proactive steps to understand your child’s anxiety and remove barriers to attendance. This could include:
- Offering a quiet, calm space for your child to retreat to when feeling overwhelmed.
- Adjusting the school day, such as a phased return or reduced timetable.
- Providing emotional support through a keyworker, mentor, or pastoral team.
- Ensuring learning tasks are adapted to meet your child’s needs.
- Working with external services like Educational Psychologists if required.
How can you help your child?
As a parent or carer, you are often your child’s emotional anchor – the person they can rely on when everything feels overwhelming. If your child is experiencing school anxiety, let them know that their feelings are real and that it’s okay to feel anxious. Try not to force them to attend school, and instead focus on small, achievable steps that can help to build their confidence over time. Your support can make a real difference.
Strategies you can try at home
Here are some strategies you can try at home to support your child with school anxiety:
- Create a calm morning routine: Predictability can ease anxiety. Use visual timetables, timers, or calming activities to help start the day smoothly.
- Worry box or self-soothe kit: Provide your child with a worry box where they can “post” their worries. Alternatively, create a self-soothe kit filled with sensory items, stress balls, or favourite photos that help them regulate.
- Encourage relaxing after-school activities: Once home, allow time for decompression. Whether it’s quiet reading, a sensory activity, or screen time, this helps them reset.
- Celebrate every win: Praise and reward all achievements, no matter how small. Just getting dressed for school or stepping through the school gates deserves recognition.
Helping your child return to school after absence
Returning to school after a period of anxiety can feel daunting – for both your child and you. Taking things slowly, with patience and understanding, is key. Working closely with the school to create a flexible plan tailored to your child can make the process much easier.
Here are some tips to help your child feel safe, supported, and confident as they return to school:
- Gradual return options: Start small – maybe it’s a 10-minute visit to the school reception or attending just one favourite lesson. Gradually increase the time as your child feels ready.
- Keep communication open: Regular check-ins with the school will help ensure adjustments are working and provide space to tweak the plan if needed. It can be helpful to follow up these conversations with an email to have a record of what has been discussed.
- Adjust the environment: Discuss with the school ways to make the return less overwhelming. This might mean having a quieter arrival, access to a calm room, or reducing the sensory load in the classroom.
Useful websites and resources
If you need more advice or resources, our team is here to support you and there are lots of additional networks that can offer help as well.
IPSEA
Legally based advice and support to help families get the right education for children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).
YoungMinds Parents Helpline
Support for parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person’s mental health. The Parents Helpline provides detailed advice and information, emotional support and signposting. You can speak to them over the phone or chat online.
Not Fine in School
Parent and carer led organisation offering information and practical resources for families of children struggling with school.